I hate this,

[pandorablue]

We decided to take a break. I hate it, but it needed to happen. I know that relationships take work, but I am working so hard at everything else, that I just couldn't give anymore. I keep thinking though that there should have been another way, and that if I just push harder, I can keep it going. I just don't know how.
I hate the idea that I have hurt someone that loves me, and that I love. Everything is just so fucked up. I know that I brought it on myself. I always do, and I don't know why I expected anything different this time. I'm no good at relationships, maybe I never will be. I think I should just stop trying. What is the point anyway? Any guy that comes my way that might remotely be good for me, I run off at an alarming rate of speed.
And, you know what? He told me that he's been thinking about it for a few weeks, and that it is probably the best thing. He's right. I'm no good for him. I'm no good for anyone. I quit. I can't keep getting my hopes up anymore. It isn't worth feeling like this. It always ends up feeling like this. I'm done.

Comments

A SMALL TIMID HAND WAVES FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM...

[ohno-jonathan-o.livejournal.com]

Yes, she was the most logical one to say what we both had hinted at for the last two weeks. We had already discussed this possibilty nearly a week ago with a teary level of seriousness but I felt neither of us wanted this solution.
I had offered that I wanted whatever she felt was best for HER and if that meant that no matter how much we felt for each other, if I was going to be nothing but pain, then please, do what she felt was right. But as we all saw the horror unfold and we both had commitments to our personal PHYSICAL needs and I being ripped usunder by both my employers, friends, and a sense of helplessness to help my friends and family; the probabilty of maintaining a mutually beneficial relationship at this time began to appear remote.
Yes, I am an ASS. I am very sterotypically male in that I am not psychic nor do I possess the ability nor the normal feminine trait to think about all possibilities and consequences far, far into the future. I think on one level that seems very forthright and honest and 3 dimensional and am very innocent and sincere in my actions or words without any CLUE that those gestures could and most likely are interpreted by women on exponential layers(It took a very flamming friend 6 years my junior to spell this out to me.)
I'm sorry if I seem like just another jackass to you but, please...If your going to give advice to the woman I DO love, please read MY LJ for the last week or two and you might relize where a lot of this has stemmed from. I'm not perfect, I may not be Mr. Right(Who knows)but its not because I'm a player, a misogynist, or "a pussy". I just didn't want to forever lose a wonderful part of my life...
Sorry to rebut WordWhore, but I don't feel I have been properly examined. Good day.-J

Re: A SMALL TIMID HAND WAVES FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM...

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

No offense intended, though easy to see where it would be taken. I'm offering the standard girl response, but not being a girl, yeah, I can see where you wouldn't get that. My bad - this is LJ, not a coffee shop.

I withdraw the comment, but no, I'm not terribly interested in 'examining' you. Not my job.

Realizing that you are a part of the horror that is the LJ Community, I shall refrain from further comments.

Re: A SMALL TIMID HAND WAVES FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM...

[ohno-jonathan-o.livejournal.com]

I appologize to you for firing off this defense. This has been a bad 9 days for EVERYONE at home. No, I wasn't meaning for you to 'examine' me per se, but I have been abreast of issues and passionate about them and eagerly supportive of those who are also. Unfortunately this has been the case with Pandora and I since I returned from a trip the first week of July. I'll admit, for someone who I KNOW I love Eros, Philios, and Aggape, I sure seem to be offering to help everyone at her expense. She didn't fuck up, I did. I care to much for everyone that I can't seem to give enough attention to Any ONE person or so it seems...

I actually appreciate that you gave her 'girl' support and I am sorry that my response gave you pause to delete it. I'm sure she would have appreciated the knowledge that others have been there, unfortunately done that, and are burning the T-shirt. I'm am also sorry that we guys seem like we may never get a clue...

For whatever this means and however you may take it...
"I Respect you."
-J
P.S. You caused me to write some things that needed to be said...both here and emailed. That, I think, is a good thing.

Re: A SMALL TIMID HAND WAVES FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM...

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

My work here is done.

Re: A SMALL TIMID HAND WAVES FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM...

[pandora-blue.livejournal.com]

Oh good. Nikki told me about the beginnings of this thread this morning. I got all worried about it. It seems as if you two have reached a bit of an understanding.
Thank you Deb. you are a great friend, and I really appreciate having your support.
I'm sorry that I dump on everyone here.
Jessi

Re: A SMALL TIMID HAND WAVES FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM...

[my-window-seat.livejournal.com]

No comment. ::hugs::

[darkwench.livejournal.com]

oh no!! that really sucks :( I wish you both the best.

[julian-wolf.livejournal.com]

I tagged you for a thing, check out my journal