pandora's aquarium

I really just don't get it. I don't get what makes me special to the people I have been with in the past. Even a few of my guy friends that I wasn't ever in a romantic relationship with previously have told me that they wanted to be. Almost all of them came looking for me and not the other way around. It's almost a running joke around here, because they have been crawling out of the woodwork lately.

I really don't get it though. I'm not that exceptional. I'm cute, I guess, but not really what would be considered "pretty". I think I'm fairly intelligent, but there are much smarter and more attractive women. I really don't understand what it is. I have one guy friend that I feel comfortable enough to ask him why, but that doesn't answer for any of the others and I don't know how to ask without them thinking I am asking for reasons other than honest curiosity.

This is really not a "validate me PLEASE" post. Just thoughts that have been rolling around since the other night. I just don't get it.

I had someone friend me on Facebook the other day, and I didn't really remember her, but she and I had a really good friend in common so I friended her back. I have since discovered she and the other really good friend are friended to A. I never did know this other girl and apparently A is the only reason that she friended me. I am not worried about it. I don't post anything odd, generally. I just find it strange that she seems to be so concerned about what I am doing. Meh, whatever. If this is the only the only way to keep her off my back, so be it.

This is odd. I have been finding stuff nline about my father's family. I really don't know why. I think it was mostly the idea of wanting to send him a letter saying despite everything he did to try to fuck me up, I'm still okay.
When I got home today there was a letter in my box, postmarked from Philadelphia, and with the return name of Stein. I had no idea who it was, but it turns out that it was his sister. I haven't read it. I just opened it and saw my cousin's names, and I put it back in the envelope. I don't know if I want to read it. I don't know that I want to hear anything that this woman that I haven't seen or heard from for 23 years has to say. I haven't heard from my father in 15 years. I haven't really wanted to.
I knew they could find me. My number is listed, and I haven't changed m name. I just think it's odd that she chose now, when I had just started looking for them, sort of, to mail me a letter. I am now a nervous wreck. I will probably read it at some point, I just don't know when.

If Yoda and Gollum fucked, who'd be the bitch?

I almost forgot one of the other things that happened during Thanksgiving. There was this wine. I don't know if they fermented it in old tires, or what, but it left this horrifying aftertaste. Something like rubberized latex (Yes, i would know what that tastes like, *ahem*)
I mean this shit was bad, and no matter what you ate or drank after, the taste kept coming back. ICK!!!
Note to people I love : DO NOT DRINK WINE MADE IN SOUTH AFRICA!!!!