pandora's aquarium

From elegantdreams

All I want to know is Twelve things you passionately love.
I don't care if they are names I can't make reference to, colors, sounds, places you've been, moments you remember, a song in your head, a word, a touch, a flower you saw twenty years ago and can't forget, a letter someone wrote, your mom, your child, the idea of having a child, ... anything, everything... and please don't feel limited to 12... if you have 20, 50 or 100 I'll be more than overjoyed. And, if you don't want to post to "all of your friends" please simply hit "reply" and let me know.
I won't share, I won't repost, I won't abuse, negate, or say a damn thing about it.
I'm just feeling a bit blessed in some respects and down in others and would love the outpouring of what my friends find in life to love and sustain them.
Not a requirement, just a blessing I'd love to share. Please, if you can find the time... now hard is it to type out ten things you adore in life?
And, if I'm right by the people I've chose for friendship, perhaps you're reassess and truly appreciate that which you do love so much. Thank you ahead of time and I guarantee a formal thanks for anything that hits my inbox.


now the one thing i will change here is this, if you post to my journal, it will be public, I want to know what makes people happy, what they want and need and hope for in life, it makes me remember what life is all about, and I would love for everyone to share...however, if you feel OK telling me, and not the general public, email me at pandora.blue.girl@gmail.com, and just to be fair, I will add mine on here...

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1. The beautiful life growing inside of me. Sometimes I think I am not ready, but if I waited until I was ready, would I ever have children?

2. My Mom, who gave up so much to keep me safe. She has been the person that I want to grow up to be.

3. Jonathan, who probably isn't feeling to much love coming from me right now, because of circumstances. Thank you for all of the love and kindness that you have and keep showing me (especially now).

4. My Paddywagon, which is the greatest sweetest cat. I am entirely too attached to him, and lately he has been feeling unloved as well.

5. Tori Amos, whose music changed my life. The passion that is expressed in her music makes my heart lift.

6. The color of blue that the sky turns right before the sun is completely gone. Between the indigo of the night sky, and the yellow of the setting sun. *sigh*

7. My true friends, that stick around no matter how shitty I treat them. I don't deserve their love, and yet I am so grateful for it.

8. Music in general. If it moves me, I am an instat fan. I can feel it in my veins, and wish that it would never stop.

9. Books. I love the way they feel in my hands, the way that they smell when you turn the pages, The way that you can lose yourself for a little while, and the real world ceases to exist.

10. The white sanded cove near Tampa Bay, FL. It was quiet and beautiful. Dolphins came within 20 feet of me and the water was so clear. It is my meditation space.

11. My collection of ceramic ducks. I have managed to get a beautiful collection, to the point that I don't have room for all of them. These aren't figurines, either. They are large (smallest about 12" long). I think my favorite is still my big green one that I got a few years ago from my mom.

12. Black Pearls. Not perfect round ones, but the ones that are slightly odd shaped. The warmth that they absorb from your body heat, and the way that they color shift in the light.

13. Gypsy Roses. They are an un-patented variety, but they make the most perfect big beautiful red blooms. I love roses of all kinds, but these are my favorite.


I will add more as I think of them...

We did it. One whole year (and now, 2 days). I didn't really think that we would get here, and there was a while there, where I didn't want to. I am glad that we have. I love him, beyond any expectations. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and wile we aren't there yet (for many reasons), I think we both know at this point, it is bound to happen.
We can be serious together, or completely stupid. We are comfortable in a way that I have never experienced with anyone else. We complement each other perfectly.
I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine.

and as long as he doesn't pull what he did on Thursday night, we might possibly make it for at least 11 more!!!
Yes, my Love, I will give you all of the details that you DON'T remember (sleepy head)!!!!

I am having a fairly good week. The bosses at work finally acknowledged that I asked for the position (I didn't get it, but that's not the point). My boy got a job (YAY!!!), which was weighing heavily on my mind, for some unknown reason. I got to talk to sparklypelt twice, for multiple hours. Much laughter and goodness!!! I have been doing a fair amount of work for my side business, but still need to do sooooo much more. I slammed my finger into the register drawer today, but that's okay!

Anyway, Love you all, LOTS & LOTS!!!!

I woke up in a decidedly warm wonderful place. I wish I could wake up there more often. My mom was even discussing how nice it might be for him to live here at some point. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. It has me a bit worried! I don't know.
I will live happily as each moment hits me, and try to do the best I can.
I love you all, LOTS and LOTS!

I am going to Placitas (if I can get my ass in gear), and having Turkey with the Hoffmans. That sounds like a bad movie, doesn't it?
Now to add to the confusion to many people here, I thought that I wasn't really all that *into* the man I was dating. Many of you know that (some of you don't, and for those, yes, He did know)
The past week has made me re-evaluate my feelings on some pretty deep levels. I have thought about what I *thought* I wanted, and really looked hard at my past. I have come to the conclusion that I am just not right!
I realized after he called me on Tuesday, and said he couldn't pick me up because he was at the hospital, that I do indeed love him, more than I thought capable.
In the end, I am thankful to have my friends, my family, a roof over my head (that eventually I will be happy with), and a Boyfriend that I love and who in return loves me (no matter how fucked up I truly am).

**Happy Thanksgiving**

Gobble, Gobble

We decided to take a break. I hate it, but it needed to happen. I know that relationships take work, but I am working so hard at everything else, that I just couldn't give anymore. I keep thinking though that there should have been another way, and that if I just push harder, I can keep it going. I just don't know how.
I hate the idea that I have hurt someone that loves me, and that I love. Everything is just so fucked up. I know that I brought it on myself. I always do, and I don't know why I expected anything different this time. I'm no good at relationships, maybe I never will be. I think I should just stop trying. What is the point anyway? Any guy that comes my way that might remotely be good for me, I run off at an alarming rate of speed.
And, you know what? He told me that he's been thinking about it for a few weeks, and that it is probably the best thing. He's right. I'm no good for him. I'm no good for anyone. I quit. I can't keep getting my hopes up anymore. It isn't worth feeling like this. It always ends up feeling like this. I'm done.