pandora's aquarium

I kind of fell off the planet for a little while. This year has started out odd. I was really stressing my birthday this year, and so it became this huge mess and I spent the entire weekend crying. I can't even precisely say what went wrong. I think this age was stressing me, which is bizarre since last year was what is considered a "milestone" year.

I think part of it was also that I was starting school the Monday after that weekend. I was very stressed about this, but for the most part it has been fairly simple. I am currently at over 100% scores in all of my classes, which is super awesome. I am really loving being back at school. I forgot how much I really enjoyed it. This week was a bit odd because I caught a cold from somewhere and I had to call into the only class I am currently taking on campus. I'm 3 sections ahead in that class already and the teacher was okay with me not being there.

Things here at the house are okay, for the most part. It's a difficult situation, but we are managing. I feel a little sad about certain things that could not be dealt with before it got to this point. I was feeling a little resentful about it, and honestly, I probably still do, but I am fully aware that it isn't helping anything and that I need to just let it go.

Otherwise, life is not currently kicking my ass. I hope it stays this way for a while.

Did the family photo thing on Sunday. Darby looked positively dapper! It caused me stress because I hate pics of myself. Only one of them was I slightly unhappy about myself, but the other two with me in them are good. Jonathan's look good. Darby is so cute in all of them. I spent too much on them, but it was worth it to have pics for the family.

Almost done with Christmas shopping. I'll need to get frames for family photos. I have Jonathan and mom covered. I know what I am getting Darby.

{EDIT}Fucking ebay. Got my order and it's not correct. Now I am pissed!

{EDIT'S EDIT} I do know that it isn't ebay, it's the seller. I'm still pissed.

So why does all of this have to be such a pain in the ass? I have insurance through work, which happily does NOT cover prenatal care. When my boss signed us up for this, she did not realize it. Our insurance broker knew I wanted to get pregnant in the near future, but didn't realize that to get the maternity rider for the policy I am on, I would have to be on it for 1 year before conception and it would cost around $6,000/yr. We have only had this insurance since August, so even if I had been on it from the beginning, it wouldn't cover now.

SO, I went down to the handy dandy Human Services Dept. for Medicaide. First, I have to see a doctor to bring proof that I am pregnant (which, Thank God, Planned Parenthood does for $10). Even after that, though, I will have to wait between 35-45 days to get approved. I still haven't had the first appt where they do the exam and all of that crap. Without insurance, I can't afford it. I don't know what I am going to do at this point!!!

I know I need to go to the doctor, but how am I supposed to when I don't have any coverage? I don't know what to do, and am worried that I may not be able to have this baby after all.

{EDIT: I got some really great advice that has made me a LOT less stressed. thank you eclypsia}

You ever just get smacked in the head by the realization that you just wasted an hour and a half on a pointless endeavor that no one cares about anyway?

( Griping, Stress, and Probably Unfulfilled Wishes Follow... )

Love you all, LOTS and LOTS!!!!

Okay, so I just heard that they are cancelling Joan of Arcadia. I am really pissed off about it. They can't do that. What will happen to yummy Goth God if they cancel it???? AAAAAAAAACK!!