May. 20th, 2011 10:57 pm
I've never pretended to be more than what I am.

I'm a mom.

I am a geeky/artsy girl.

I spend most of my time with my head in the clouds. I kind of like it that way.

I'm aware that I often come across as shallow and slightly daft. I'm okay with that too.

I am occasionally naive and often confused.

I want to believe the best of people.

I don't like being treated like I'm simple because my particular aptitudes do not equate with someone else's.

I tend to keep deeper thoughts to myself for fear of being mocked.

I like silly, childish things. I revel in them. Why not?

I'm entirely too attached to my cat.

I am impulsive.

I cry sometimes for no good reason.

I've been known to laugh at inopportune moments.

I have deep, painful secrets.

I dream in color.

I'm slightly annoying.

I drink entirely too much coffee.

I hear music in colors.

I am more grateful to my friends than they will ever know.

I love with abandon.
I kind of fell off the planet for a little while. This year has started out odd. I was really stressing my birthday this year, and so it became this huge mess and I spent the entire weekend crying. I can't even precisely say what went wrong. I think this age was stressing me, which is bizarre since last year was what is considered a "milestone" year.

I think part of it was also that I was starting school the Monday after that weekend. I was very stressed about this, but for the most part it has been fairly simple. I am currently at over 100% scores in all of my classes, which is super awesome. I am really loving being back at school. I forgot how much I really enjoyed it. This week was a bit odd because I caught a cold from somewhere and I had to call into the only class I am currently taking on campus. I'm 3 sections ahead in that class already and the teacher was okay with me not being there.

Things here at the house are okay, for the most part. It's a difficult situation, but we are managing. I feel a little sad about certain things that could not be dealt with before it got to this point. I was feeling a little resentful about it, and honestly, I probably still do, but I am fully aware that it isn't helping anything and that I need to just let it go.

Otherwise, life is not currently kicking my ass. I hope it stays this way for a while.
This is probably not going to come as a shock to anyone, but here is the deal:

Jonathan and I are not together as a couple anymore. We still care for each other very much, but we just can't seem to make each other happy. We still cohabitate and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. Think of us as the new Berney and Roxanne - the people in my immediate circle know what I am talking about. We still hang out and do stuff together because we are very good friends.

We are trying very hard to make this as easy as possible for each other and for Little Human. There are many reasons that I am unable to move out right now, but I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone in this post. If anyone that doesn't know wants to, message me, and I will tell you. This is the best we can do right now, and it is currently working. Adjustments may be necessary in the future, but for now we are both at least pacified.

I appreciate all of the support we have both received during this upheaval. I have discovered who I can count on when things go awry and I have found some new friends to turn to. Thank you.
This kind of going to be disjointed, so hang on...


I have been playing around with my camera a lot. I love it. I want to make cyborg babies with it. Here is my flickr:
I am too lazy to make an actual link :)

I finally had a doctor's appointment. I am pre-diabetic. I am also waiting on the results of a thyroid screening. I am pretty sure there is something wonky going on there, but we'll see.

I'm signing up for a gym membership. I'm happy about this.

Jonathan and I are sort of trying out an almost roommate situation. I think this will work. We'll also see about that!

I still need to fix my car, but I'm pretty sure I know what's screwed up, and I did it myself. :(

I think that's it...


Nov. 1st, 2008 12:20 pm
pandorablue: (Happiness)
I voted. WOOT ME!!!

And I got a flu shot.


Oct. 27th, 2008 08:47 pm
There is a decent sized fire burning at a pallet manufacturer about a block and a half from my house. I wondered why there seemed to be so many fire trucks going by...
pandorablue: (Happiness)
Let's see. I went to K & J's wedding. She looked like a fairy princess brought to life. The dress was to die for and her in it, oh yes. J was adorable, although he looked dazed for a lot of the day. I was happy that K smiled throughout the day and night. It was a beautiful wedding.

In which I bitch and moan...A LOT )
pandorablue: (bloodroses)
This week has been difficult. Actually the last two weeks have been difficult.

I have come to the decision that I need to try to make this work. This is going be confusing to some people, but I had a really hard time justifying staying in my relationship with Jonathan this week. I realized that I at least had to try. I stopped trying a while ago, and that wasn't fair to anyone.

My best friend, J, from high school, changed his mind and decided that, yes, he can have part and be happy with that. I appreciate that from him because he helped form me into who I am, but I can't toss out the last 3 years in order to relive my youth (I sound so old).

I signed up for a correspondence course this week. It's for interior decorating, but I do plan on getting the associates in Interior Design. I thought this got my foot in the door. And at least I am doing something

I also started taking more supplements to go with my regular multivitamin and calcium. Omega 3, vit. c, vit. e, ginseng, cinnamon, b-complex. I am already feeling more energetic (well I would be if I hadn't woken up at 6 this morning for no reason), and maybe this will help me out of my funk.

That's it I guess.
I haven't posted lately and thought now would be a good time. We got our family photos back, which I will post in the next few days. Mostly I have been being a bum. I did manage to figure out what I am doing with my life. I am going to be an interior designer. It sounds kinda hokey, but I think it is something I will be good at! Of course this is easier said than done. It will require taking courses at CNM and then transferring them to Santa Fe Community College. Which also means that I will have to go to Santa Fe on a regular basis. SFCC is the only school in the state that offers the degree in it (which means that if I ever want to sit for the NCIDQ, I have to go there).
Good news is that Darby should be old enough then, that I won't have to be worrying about mom having him for longer periods of time. If I need it SFCC has a really good childcare center, which, unlike CNM, takes them as young as 5 weeks (CNM won't take kidlets under 3 years). Oddly enough, Mom's psychiatrist is also trying to find childcare that is low income based (how about NO income). I hate the idea of daycare. Too many variables involved. It may be a necessity though.
I am just so excited about this. It has taken me forever to realize what I wanted to do. I thought teaching, but I have met too many teachers that are just being abused by APS. It dawned on me that APS doesn't want teacher that want to teach. They want teachers willing to follow a set protocol and make little drones. I would want to be a fun teacher. They wouldn't like me...
Aside from that, I am getting antsy about not doing health related activities. I want to start yoga again, and I need to start exercising again. I am beginning to gain weight. I went back to pre-preggers weight right after Dubs was born. Now, not so much... I also think it would help with the carrying around of the 12 lb. baby.
He's getting so big, and I don't want him to! I want him to stay tiny and cute, and all of the things that babies are. I know he'll stay cute, but how can he stay this cute? If he got any cuter I wouldn't be able to stand it!
Anyway, that's it. There will be a closer to Christmas post. Love you!


Nov. 13th, 2007 03:46 pm
Did the family photo thing on Sunday. Darby looked positively dapper! It caused me stress because I hate pics of myself. Only one of them was I slightly unhappy about myself, but the other two with me in them are good. Jonathan's look good. Darby is so cute in all of them. I spent too much on them, but it was worth it to have pics for the family.

Almost done with Christmas shopping. I'll need to get frames for family photos. I have Jonathan and mom covered. I know what I am getting Darby.

{EDIT}Fucking ebay. Got my order and it's not correct. Now I am pissed!

{EDIT'S EDIT} I do know that it isn't ebay, it's the seller. I'm still pissed.


Jul. 2nd, 2007 05:41 pm
I do have diabetes, which my midwife thinks will go away, but I don't get to see my midwife anymore. I have to see a doctor, because of the complications associated with the diabetes. It just bugs me, because I really like my midwife, and now I have to start all over. The only good thing is that I only have 9 weeks left, so I won't have to deal with the new person for too long.

In other news, I am going to quit my job. I am putting in my resignation on Thursday, and my last day of work is going to be July 14. I know it's not 2 weeks, but in the employee manual, they only ask for one week, and at this point I hate it there so much that I can't wait to get away. I have been informed that I am not allowed to sit down under any circumstances. That is not a possbility at this point. I am 7 months pregnant, and I need to sit down during the day.
I am absolutely terrified to quit, but I just can't stay. I talked to them about going down to part-time until the baby gets here, and I was told that I could do that, but I would lose all of my accumulated vacation and sick days (not to mention the benefits that are useless to me), even if I came back full time after the baby came. I would have to start over. I have been there 8 years. I have been there longer than any other current employee (including the 2 that were promoted above me). This is how they reward you for sticking around.

Also, my fridge has decided it doesn't like to be cold anymore. I thought I had fixed it, but apparently not. The freezer side stays cold enough to keep the normal fridge stuff cold, but not to freeze anything, and the normal fridge side does not stay cold anymore. I will have someone out to look at it. It never ends. Got my brakes fixed Saturday and was informed (and shown) that all four of my fuel injectors are leaking. I knew something was leaking, but... *sigh*


May. 7th, 2007 08:39 pm
How I want to see my future... )
I am having a good few days off. I spent Saturday night at the Jonathan's house. It was nice. I like rolling over and having him there. So much so, that I miss it when I sleep alone. Discovered that the M's business account was overdrawn, so I can't do the shipping this week. At least, not yet. Paddy is sure that I must spend all moments engaged in loving the cat. He's making me a little crazy. Anyway, that's it.
Love ou all, LOTS and LOTS!!!
So sleepy. Just felt the need to make an uneventful lj post. Not a whole lot going on in my world today. I get to spend tomorrow night with my Love, which I have been neglecting a lot as of late (sorry, Hon). I think I just discovered the cure for depression...PADDYWAGON!!!

Goodnight, all.
I love you all LOTS & LOTS!!!!
There is SNOW in my backyard. Snow, SNOW I SAY!!!
Random is a very happy dog!


Feb. 2nd, 2006 07:36 pm
I have a Driver's License!!! YAY!! I can drive by myself now!!! Haha!!
Oh, and I think I may need glasses.
Hi everyone. I realized that you haven't heard from me lately. Not much going on here, but I thought I'd just say *howdy!!* I will be at club this week (yippie). Finally getting my DL on Monday (only because I don't have a choice. The restricted one expires on Feb. 1st). I seem to be getting over my bronchial distress. I discovered my Boy is a cheap fucker, but I love him anyway ;). Other than that, not much.
Love you guys, LOTS!!!!


Dec. 10th, 2005 10:46 pm
That is the sound of relief. Thanks to the boyfriend who couldn't get the gift he wanted for me, so was instead, able to give me something else that solved a huge chunk of my problem! The new computer shipped yesterday, so should be here some time next week. My life seems to be falling into place again for the time being.
I do have a huge moral dilemma, that I am trying to figure out. Another friend is helping me with that. I still hate the idea that I may have to betray someone I love, but I don't think it can be helped.
Should have the car by the end of this month, but that has it's own set of odd issues to deal with. I am sleepy, and relieved. I love you all lots and lots!!!
I forgot that I ordered a harddrive upgrade. They already installed it, so I can't cancel my order. I guess I am getting the computer anyway, too bad I won't have anyplace to put it!

i give up.

Dec. 6th, 2005 08:43 pm
i really do. just when i think that maybe life could possibly be getting a fraction better, everything turns to shit. i now get the lovely job of cancelling my apple order because mom only gave me half of her check this month. now i have to use that credit card to pay the mortgage instead. she was like "well isn't what i gave you enough?" hmmmmm, lets see, the mortgage is $650, and you gave me $300. um, no. that won't quite cover it. i hate my life.sometimes i hate her. right now i want to go crawl under a rock and die.



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